Heavy

25/2/8

You what?!?” I ask Short Tony.

He repeats his news.

it is not a Bösendorfer…

I am stunned by the announcement. To say that the news hits me like a football-sized chunk of uranium contained in a safe that has then been placed in an iron-framed grand piano and sent plummeting from the fifteenth floor window of the Institute of High Gravity Studies with a member of sixties hippie combo “The Mamas and the Papas” tied to each leg (John Phillips having a large quantity of loose change in his pocket) followed by an antelope, a large bag of ball bearings and a parcel marked “DANGER OF INJURY! Do Not Attempt to Lift This” would be an understatement.

I *LOVE* The Private Secret Diary!
(A bit like “This Life”, with bowls instead of lawyers. Don’t tell anyone!)

this *might* be a B#246;sendorfer…

Going Back to Kali

24/2/8

I give you, Parishioners, Mr Pasha Malla!

The man went back to India
and has given us his story.

I have, of course, been a fan of The Morning News for *ages*
and read his work before

but this is heart-felt, frighteningly honest stuff
and most worthy of Praise.

The thang was published in installments
and is called Going Back to Kali

the wide brown land for me…

and anyone who knows me
recognizes that there is something special in that alone…

What *really* gets me tho

is this:

(he’s talking about some Russian gangster he met in a club)

his voice
is soot
shaken about in a coffin

THAT *ROCKED* ME!

Isn’t that just ROCK?

handsome, athletic, talented; he can come to The Rectory anytime!

(I must confess that Hunney brought with her
the last CDs of Sex n the City
and I am rather captivated with Mikhail Baryshnikov
even tho he’s going out with horsey…)
(a little Russian, ‘Tish: Михаил Николаевич Барышников)

but I’m sure he’s a much nicer person…

solid rock - no escape…

Orangs

6/2/8

Hunney & I were discussing The Descent of Man
and how the genome can be almost the same -

but make different things -

why *are* people different?

For example, drosophila- fruit flies to you & me -
have about 90% of the same genes – homeo box, tata box &cetera…

Some of us and chimpanzees have about 99.99% similarity
but we are quite recognizable as different species, mostly.

THEN

she mentioned my Orangs

not many people know this
and fewer read this site
so The Secret Knowledge shall be preserved

Orangs, y’see, are Not From Here

They are from another planet
and when they ran out of oranges,
they *had* to come here.

They chose a remote, quiet place to settle
(Borneo – or whatever it’s called now, ‘Tish)
and steadfastly worked ‘pon their Plan.

she loves and forgives him

Orangs were unknown (to the white man, at least)
before 1912, when Henry Joseph Wheatstone (b Bristol, England 1881, d Jakarta 1975)
led a party of soldiers into a forest in Borneo (they have more than one)
probably in order to conquer something for England
and was beaten savagely by a mob of red-haired dwarves with unusually long arms.
The patrol of twelve strong & true was reduced to four; one of them carried back on a litter, just like the old days.

DO NOT mess with my Orangs!
(remember this – it will be useful later)

Superbly Britishly, Wheatstone returned with extra men
but neglected, Stupidly Britishly, to survey the terrain
and was, once again, forced to retire with severe casualties.

A medical examiner’s report suggests that most of the wounds
were from big long arms with big gnarly hands and big gnarly fingers
BUT
some of the wounds resulted from being smacked on the arse with a stick.

Wheatstone was ordered not to return and, probably thanks to him,
Borneo (OWICNT)? remains the lovely wilderness we point to
while guiltily denying the destruction of OUR planet.

* * *

Why Borneo (OWICNT)?
the tranquility, for one.

Orangs are universally (and I mean that)
known for their tolerance
(and great piloting!)
but – in a strange place – seclusion is wise.

Secondly – Asia is a great staging base for world conquest -
(yeah, you already know…)

go left, go right; up, down – have ‘em all!
(this is why terror, and the fucking war on terror will never work…
I HATE to say this – but – location, location, location…)

Why are there so many of my Orangs in California?
(all those movies – it MUST be true!)
It’s because of the oranges!

Why are they harvesting the largest pristine forest in the universe?

HUNDREDS OF LITTLE BOATS
(bold, underline, italic, red)

are soon to invade Spain, Brother B!

I have already ordered a boat