There is a great deal of Forgiveness within me, Parishioners,
but some sinners deserve to be named, shamed and sent straight to Hell!
BEAST Magazine presents The 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2007
(this is too small – click on the image or click here)
Being US-centric, I hadn’t heard of many of these people
but the “Charges” are quite amusing
Par exemple: (yes, ‘Tish!)
41. Chuck Norris
Charges: Only famous for knowing Bruce Lee. Churning out puerile “action” bilge for 30 years. Skill as martial artist greatly exaggerated. Kitsch value wearing thin. Total Home Gym®. Walker, Texas Ranger once let a little girl battle armed gangsters, because she had the power of belief in God [OK by me – lerevdr]. Doesn’t understand evolution, despite access to mirrors.
Exhibit A: Campaigning for Mike Huckabee.
Sentence: Roundhouse kick from Charles Darwin.
I like Number 9:
Charges: You believe in freedom of speech, until someone says something that offends you. You suddenly give a damn about border integrity, because the automated voice system at your pharmacy asked you to press 9 for Spanish. You cling to every scrap of bullshit you can find to support your ludicrous belief system, and reject all empirical evidence to the contrary. You know the difference between patriotism and nationalism — it’s nationalism when foreigners do it. You hate anyone who seems smarter than you. You care more about zygotes than actual people. You love to blame people for their misfortunes, even if it means screwing yourself over. You still think Republicans favor limited government. Your knowledge of politics and government are dwarfed by your concern for Britney Spears’ children. You think buying Chinese goods stimulates our economy. You think you’re going to get universal health care. You tolerate the phrase “enhanced interrogation techniques.” You think the government is actually trying to improve education. You think watching CNN makes you smarter. You think two parties is enough. You can’t spell. You think $9 trillion in debt is manageable. You believe in an afterlife for the sole reason that you don’t want to die. You think lowering taxes raises revenue. You think the economy’s doing well. You’re an idiot.
Exhibit A: You couldn’t get enough Anna Nicole Smith coverage.
Sentence: A gradual decline into abject poverty as you continue to vote against your own self-interest. Death by an easily treated disorder that your health insurance doesn’t cover. You deserve it, chump.
Strive for Goodness, Parishioners!