Johnny Fucking Depp has more fucking bodyguards than I have patience; you may sleep well, Brother Depp

1/2/8

I have, of late, Parishioners,

come to despise this box…

Why is it SO FUCKING SLOW???

If there be something I can do to fix it

please let me know –

knife in the eye for the first person to mention a bigger drive or more memory…

I would have her:

a real page three girl!

Meanwhile, here’s this:

these guys are funny because I don’t get {most of} it…
Apocolypse Floss

You can tell a lot about a person by which kind of floss, if any, they use. First we have the non-waxers. They like it rough and wild, unafraid to get up in their mouths with a hard-core attitude. Then there’s the waxed floss users. A bit more refined, delicate. Maybe they even like their floss garnished with the smooth taste of mint. It’s a more glamorous, elegant method. For example, when flossing their delicate bottoms, I definitely prefer my ladies to be waxed. I myself use a decidedly fancy-pants method. It’s probably cause I’m a bit more, shall we say….aristocratic than the average pleb. That’s why I always floss my teeth with crisp dollar bills. As my fellow money flosser Robert Duvall once told me: “Dollar bills, son. I love the taste of ink died, coke stained, dollar bills in the morning. You know, one time I had eaten raw sturgeon and gefilte fish for twelve hours. When it was all over I flossed with a crisp dollar bill. I didn’t find one of ’em, not one stinkin’ dink food scrap. The taste, you know that crisp bill taste, the whole mouth. Tasted like… victory.”

And I would have her:

Helena Bonham Carter and Rachel Ward all passeled up in one convenient passel for my convenience

August 29, 2006

A Piece Of Actr-ASS
You call that a knife? This is a knife! [replace “knife” with “contest”]. Here’s the latest chance for us to make you a winner. The prize? A mix cd entitled SkinnySlim: The Best of The Pony. The disc will not only feature the most exclusive compilation of Pony Tracks posted by yours truly, but also one-of-a-kind, personalized artwork! All you have to do is wrap your head around a simple brain teaser. Only three of the following ten actresses have NOT appeared nude on film:

Toni Collette
Kyra Sedwick
Rene Zellweger
Stockard Channing
Laura Linney (?)
Sally Field [you are bloody joking, aren’t you – please?]
Marcia Gay Harden (?)
Marilu Henner (who, apart from trivia queens like me, remembers her?)
Rene Russo
Diane Wiest (?)

[who are these people?]

Name one (only ONE!) of those three modest actresses. I will then randomly choose three winners from the pile of correct answers. Email your guess to SkinnySlim@BadmintonStamps.com. Contest ends this Friday. And when you’ve scrubbed your mind of the image of those ladies naked, you can take solace in Richard Avedon’s pubic friendly pic of Miss Chan Marshall (nsfw).

Here is a picture of Helena Bonham Carter Burton Monkey Girl because it’s about time she stopped taking herself seriously:

I actually had a crush on her - AND I saw her do the monkey thang on Parky - I am mean because she rejected me!

I have had enough of this shitty software – I can’t be bothered spending the HOURS AND HOURS it takes to make things look right Fucking Ray Liotta/Johnny Depp Belarussian Conspiracy shit!

Why can’t I put in a simple fucking para break?
[allright – I just spent the extra two hours and got it looking reasonable…]

{Jesu – it’s now 3 am & I think it looks reasonable –

not to my standard, but perhaps acceptable, given my constraints…

I should get some sleep, Parishioners…}

Am I too stupid for this conspiracy?

Hell, I already know it’s there…

FIX IT!!!

WHY ARE FREE THANGS ALWAYS SHIT?

oh, because they’re free, dickhead…

Or I send you this:

scarey with witches

but, as always, we like to end on a joiyeuse note

so here is some unrestrained loveliness from Mrs Burton:

has anyone seen “L’Espagnola”?

The URI to TrackBack this entry is: https://lerevdr.wordpress.com/2008/01/31/johnny-fucking-depp-has-more-fucking-bodyguards-than-i-have-patience-you-may-sleep-well-brother-depp/trackback/

RSS feed for comments on this post.

2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. the lady would plump her lips (artifically), skinny her nose (artifically), tcuk her chin (artifically) and wear a hat made of woven grass (artifical) and do _nothing_ about her bushy, bushy eyebrows? I will never, never unnerstand ’em.

  2. Sir,

    please do not discard the head shooting rule – you have firm friends in many places…

    Besides,

    a week ago I would have had all of her…

    but now Honey is back & I am The Happiest Pastor Of The Whirl!!!

    IT’S LOVE!

    UNBELIEVABLE!

    Call me sometime so I can gloat!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: