Condom Arsonist

10/7/8

It is time, Parishioners, to come clean.

Here is the story of “Pete Best” – the Legendary Xth Beatle – *MY* story

Best Wishes la!

Born November 23, 1941, in Madras, India (I’m a Saggitarius, Scorpio cusp)

Ma, Mona Best (1924-1988, bless her) started The Casbah Coffee Club in the cellar of the our house in Liverpool, which became very popular—the membership list grew to over a thousand—and where The Beatles (then known as The Quarrymen) played some of their first concerts.

Da, John Best, came from a family of sports promoters in Liverpool, who once owned and ran the Liverpool Bathroom. All the rooms were painted dark green or brown, and the garden was totally overgrown.

The Beatles first played at the Indra club in Hamburg, but slept in the Bambi Kino in small, dirty rooms, which were noisy, cold, and directly behind the screen. After the closure of the Indra because of complaints about the noise, The Beatles played in the Kaiserkeller.

I later discovered that the audition was not needed, as The Beatles hadn’t found any other drummer with My Magnificent Thighs or who was willing to travel to Hamburg, but the bastards didn’t tell me in case I asked for more money.

As a snub to Koschmider, I found a condom in my luggage, attached it to a nail on the concrete wall of the room, and set fire to it. There was no real damage done, but Koschmider reported us both for attempted arson. Me and Macca spent three hours in a local jail and were deported—as was George, for working under the legal age limit on 30 November 1960.

Back in Liverpool, no-one contacted each other for two weeks.

that's Stu, isn't it?

During one of Da’s extended business trips, “Filthy” became romantically involved with Mona, who was 18 years his senior. He fathered a child by her- Vincent “Roag” Best, her third son – my retarded half-brother.

I became a “steady’ drummer, meaning that I played the bass drum on all four beats in the bar, which pushed the rhythm. I forced all my emotions into my gigantic right foot. No-one else had the balls to try this, let alone make it rawk!

I was invited to sing a “speciality” number called “Peppermint Twist” while McCartney played the drums, but I always felt uncomfortable being at the front of the stage; the hail of panties was frightening!

Hank & the Shadows

In June 1962, I was fired by The Beatles because George Martin was jealous of my drumming. I also was reluctant to adopt that stoopid mop-top haircut and was *far* more popular with the chicks than the others; so everyone was pretty much jealous & pissed off..

The group was good enough to be signed to a contract (even though they had *already* signed a contract with Brian Epstein) but with one exception; Martin and his engineers did not like my outstanding playing.

The lads don’t want you in the group anymore.

Ringo is delighted, tremendously excited

The Beatles had to suffer jeers and heckling in the street and on stage for weeks afterwards, with fans shouting, “Ringo never, Pete Best forever!”

“What ever happenned to that guy?”

I first joined Lee Curtis & the All Stars, which then broke off from Curtis and became Pete Best & the All Stars. We then signed to Decca Records – who had previously rejected The Beatles – and released the single “I’m Gonna Knock On Your Door, which was not a hit.

I did shift work loading bread into the back of delivery vans, earning £8 a week, and married a girl named Kathy who worked behind the biscuit counter at a Woolworth’s store, then became a civil servant for 20 years. I tried to commit suicide, but was somehow talked out of it by Mona, and my brother, Rory.

I then bailed to the United States along with songwriters Wayne Bickerton and Tony Waddington. As The Pete Best Four, and later as The Pete Best Combo (now five guys), toured America with a combination of 1950’s songs and original tunes, recording for small labels, but had fucking little success.

I am currently touring the U.S. with The Pete Best Band, sharing the drumming with fucking Roag. In July 2007, I was inducted into the All You Need Is Liverpool Music Hall of Fame as the debut Charter Member, whatever that means…

I am not in frequent contact with the lads, but they know where to find me..

regard my Mighty Thighs!

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Very nice!!

  2. Waal, I am please d that you approve!

    Blessings,

    Le Rev Dr

  3. Nice picture of you guys in Hayman’s Green. Haven’t been there for years. I don’t believe this was written by Pete at all. Some of the details don’t match up with what Mo told me when I used to talk to her in the house. Roag certainly isn’t retarded. Quite a nice bloke if I recall correctly, I always had a good laugh with him when he wasn’t being too serious. :P

  4. This is a load of nonsense and definitely not written by Pete, he is far too dignified for that. No panties were ever thrown and that is a fact because I was there in the early days of the Beatles at the Casbah and the Cavern. By the way- he was the best looking by far, but the reason they sacked him is because he wouldnt play the cheeky chappie the others tried to portray, very different from their usual personas when on stage in Liverpool. I did love to see them perform though, they were head and shoulders above the other groups.


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