Fuck You, Elkanah fucking Settle!

29/5/9

“A flash in the pan”
Common definition: Something showy that initially impresses but doesn’t bring any real results. (e.g. “The singer’s career as Elvis’s long lost brother was just a flash in the pan.”)

First use: The term has been known since the late 17th century. Elkanah Settle, arse-licker of the Earl of Nowich, in Reflections on several of Mr. Dryden’s plays, 1687, had this to say: “If Cannons were so well bred in his Metaphor as only to flash in the Pan, I dare lay an even wager that Mr. Dryden durst venture to Sea.”

Dorset Gardens - the Home of True Poesy

WAAL; FUCK YOU, SETTLE ! (if that is your real name, arselicker; you fucking coward!) –
you didn’t even write Notes and Observations on the Empress of Morocco” –
(probably that pitiful treacherous plagiarist clod Shadwell )
– you never even met her!
Maya told me you asked for an audience
but she told her secretary to tell you to fuck off –
you fucking lying shit!

May Mr Johnny Cash
dip your hand in warm water
for the rest of your few remaining days!

Jack & me
went to sea (or – as you so pretentiously spell it – “Sea”)
(in a beautiful pea-green boat; fuck you!)
two guys, out on The Waters
many a time!
BEER & FISH make a writer; fuck you!
(oh, bad luck; Hemingway…)
[fuck you – Fitz NEVER even left The Shore –
but look at the joi he brought to you miserable critics!
An Inspiration to SO many many terribly much worserer writers!]
{oh, fuck; why wasn’t he wearing the scarf..?}

Able Seaman Jack Dryden

Jack Dryden was an excellent Navigateur
and good all round on deck –
no loose ties,
nothan rattlan round ,
good with a knife,
a fine hand;
excellent company.

* * *

AND you can get fucked AGAIN, SETTLE! (if that is your real name, arselicker; you fucking arselicking coward!)
DO NOT invent stories about My King!

There was no “long lost brother”
’twas a Myth created by me, Mr Tom Waits, Br Leonard Cohen & Jenny from The Jennys
after a couple o’ tequilas & such.

There is, however, a story
about The Brother Who Lived
(which cannot be supported in fact
but endures to this day)
& is ridiculously conflated
with the History of Mr Johnny Cash

The King and Johnny Cash

but, really, can’t we just put this all behind us?

DAMMIT! – why does cactus have this effect on normally decent humans?

Jack & Alex were right – you are Dulness’ bitch!
(but I must admit that you have succeeded in infecting the entire UK (with the possible exception of Wales – ta, Dylan) with decay, imbecility, tastelessness and an inability to deal with either the spoken or written languages –oh; and, perhaps, The Entire World!)
However, I hear you ended up playing a dragon
in a hand-made green leather suit in a fucking market!

Oh, World Domination!

I thank the Brothers of the Charterhouse

for spoon-feeding you gruel
and wiping your worthless arse
until you so graciously died.

Get fucked, SETTLE, you arselicking, plagiarising coward!
The Spectre of Spartacus shall be ON YOUR ARSE immediately!
NO RESPITE in Hell either – DO NOT SLEEP!!!

Spartacus!

May Jesu take pity ‘pon your soul.

Ray Liotta’s Special Day

Originally 3/3/9

Ray Liotta wakes early

just before the Sun

lounges in The Big Red Chair

and watches the sunbeams seep in

The air is fragrant

with rain on the road

rain on the lawn

and rain

just

rain

Big Red Chair

Ray Liotta kneels

and presses his lips to the floorboards

“Hep me Jesu” he whispers

(Today is A Special Day)

Ray Liotta walks through Life

leaving a sunshine-shaped hole™

Mister Ray Liotta, having An Ordinary Day

it doesn’t matter –

He has Love

he loves her

& that’s all that matters

Jesu he loves her – she is Everything

Ray Liotta thinks back on his life – not much to date –

but now he has Love

The sun has barely broken the curtains

he pours a cognac –

“It’s Love” he toasts

& enjois the warmth flooding his chest –

“I wish every day could be today”

Today is A Special Day

Cognac for Mr Liotta

It’s Love, Ray Liotta; Real Love

she is the strongest, most vulnerable thang he has ever held

it was Love before it was even Love!

what can a simple man do?

He longs to be in her arms

in her bed

wrapped in her legs –

Cognac won’t make this go away –

it’s Love, Ray Liotta

just tell her; just say YES!


You don’t have my Gods, Ray Liotta

you must find your own –

but I DO wish you Happiness

& the cough mixture to find it –

Love you can hold in your arms –

not to imagine
not to read on a page –

go tell her, Ray;

Today is A Special Day

Ray Liotta shaves,

brushes his teeth,

thinks about a shower –

“No;” he decides, “this is Me”

Ray Liotta pours another Cognac

& retires to The Big Red Chair

“It’s Love” he affirms

& wonders what to do –

Today is meant to be A Special Day…

Champagne,

flowers,

dinner?

NO, better to stay home –

decide what to make

& let her help cook –

Is that Love?

Ray Liotta is not sure

“Fuck it” says the Cognac; I want to be with her –

It IS Love!

He closes his eyes

takes her in his arms

smells the smell of her & the rain –

you are a terribly romantic man, Ray Liotta –

if thangs could always be this way…

Today is truly A Special Day

The cognac tells him the Truth,

tells him what he wants to hear –

“you love her” – just fall in & enjoi

and he does love her –

he does

Give up, Ray Liotta,

there is only Her

You don’t have my Gods, Ray Liotta,

but I tell you, there is only Her

First light, all kinds of rain in the air, Cognac & Love;

Today is A Special Day

How long have you felt like this, Ray Liotta?

when did this all begin?

“dunno” replies the cognac

& burns the answer into his chest

He looks into the glass

& tries to remember –

how did this all begin?

“dunno” he gives up

but the Cognac tells him to THINK!

“the very first time?”

maybe…

“a bit after that?”

sure

but as soon as he told her

he was Free

Congratulations, Ray Liotta, you are Free

“It’s Love, and I am a boy again” he smiles

“and she is such a woman”

& he is Proud

How did you find her, Ray Liotta?

It doesn’t matter – what matters is NOW!

It’s Love & the smell of rain –

first light, all kinds of rain in the air, Cognac & Love;

Today is A Special Day

What you gwan do today?

nothan.

It's *Love*, Ray Liotta...

Today is A Special Day.

He has her in his arms

still half clothed

on the same pillow

foreheads together

whispering in her ear

“I love you”

& it sets him on fire

he can FEEL the whiteness of her skin

& she breathes out rain…

It’s Love, Ray Liotta;

Today is A Special Day

He hears pianos when he listens to her breathe

the warmth of her skin pushing into his hand

don’t move – just lie there forever –

this is the way it was meant to be –

this is the exact perfect way to die

this is the exact perfect way to be alive

Today is A Special Day

First Light,

all kinds of rain in the air,

Cognac & Love;

Today is A Special Day

l

One Man Laughing

12/8/8

There is Only One Man, Parishioners,

who might possibly know these thangs;

I’m afraid
he’s from Varcelona…

Here we go:

who is the bass player from

Styx
Toto
Journey
Foreigner
Chicago (better not be Peter Cetera – the only one I know –
and only because I make a joke of his name…)

tyler-just-tyler - MISTER TYLER to you

Van Halen
The Charley Daniels Band
The Prince Band
Europe
Heart
Cars
J. Geils Band
Air Supply
The Band Band
The Ray Liotta Band
The Elton John Band (I cannot listen to Daniel without lighting something)
Mister Children
Moving Pictures
The Gary Neuman Band
The ‘NSync Band (& cetera – STOP THIS NOW!!!)
Ultravox
The Warren Zevon Band (bonus points!)
Talk Talk
Magic Dirt (sorry, ‘Lita…)
Little River Band
Tears For Fears
Atomic Kitten Band (OH – Spice Gurls!)

As you know, I’m androgynous. I can wear a jacket that most guys wouldn’t put on. But you make it in guys’ sizes, and suddenly they’re wearing them. I think styles should get back to getting people to wear things that look so good that they don’t care.

Every life has a measure of sorrow, and sometimes this is what awakens us.

Y’all know who that is…

Blessings, Chilluns,

Le Rev Dr

Trunk Game

22/7/8

In spite of my layoff, Parishioners,

I have not visited A Softer World

in some time.

I have remedied this

He\'s *behind* you!

and urge y’all to do the same.

mummy is crying

OH, I don’t have time to go through all this – check it!

Blessings,

Le Rev Dr